I did 30 minutes on the elliptical over lunch and then spent about 20 minutes on the weight machines. I'll try to get to the gym again tonight. However, my husband worked a day shift today, so I might not go. I always feel a little guilty going to the gym when he is home, though I don't think he'd get bent out of shape. It's just that when he's home and working on some project, I feel like I have to get something productive done too.
I decided I'm not going to weight myself until next Monday to give me time to work some of this funeral food off of me.
I ended up eating too much yesterday. Husband wanted spaghetti for dinner, and since he was covered in sweat and dirt and grease from working on the car all day, how could I say no? And I have a HUGE weakness for pasta. I could have had the sauce on broccoli. I should have done that. Oh well.
I have my kids 50% of the time, and it kills me not to have them around. If I had them all the time, I could get them to the gym more. We could do so much more together. It sucks.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
back
I can't believe how much I've eaten in the past few days. The past few days have been all about the funeral stuff for my sister-in-law (my sister's partner) who killed herself last Monday. It's so fucking tragic and so fucking sad. During the service, her niece from her side of the family was giving a eulogy and said that she had been the kind of aunt they write about in children's books...loving and crazy and weird. Yeah, that describes her. She was really very warm and accepting and just eccentric enough. My sister is still in shock and a complete wreck. I'm not sure what she's going to do now.
However, I'm still a little mad at my sister too. After the service, my husband and I and another sister and her husband drove out to their farm to assess how bad off the house was and if anything could be saved. My sister and her partner had had this little cabin that they mainly built themselves. The problem was that while I guess it seemed like an attainable dream--your own little cabin in the woods--they really didn't know what they were doing. They'd lived there for about 13 years, I think. I hadn't been out there in years. The cabin just wasn't livable. Improvements they'd tried to make to the cabin were falling apart. Nothing was up to code even remotely. At best, I would say the cabin could have been used for a very rustic hunter's cabin kind of thing. I think it was all just too much for my sister-in-law. She was 57. That's not ancient, but it's kind of past the age when you want to rough it in the woods. So I don't know what my sister is going to do with the land. Since they argued about the state of the cabin the day before she died, she has said she just wants to burn it down. I don't think she needs to do that, but she'll probably just sell the whole deal.
Anyway, about the food. There was food everywhere all the time the last few days. And since kind ladies provided the food and would offer you food with a sad, slight smile because that's what they knew to do during times like these, you had to take the food. It was good food, I'll say that much. And it was a distraction, which was also helpful.
But I think I'll fast today or at the most eat very, very light. My intestines are literally sore from all the work they've had to do. The poor things need a break.
However, I'm still a little mad at my sister too. After the service, my husband and I and another sister and her husband drove out to their farm to assess how bad off the house was and if anything could be saved. My sister and her partner had had this little cabin that they mainly built themselves. The problem was that while I guess it seemed like an attainable dream--your own little cabin in the woods--they really didn't know what they were doing. They'd lived there for about 13 years, I think. I hadn't been out there in years. The cabin just wasn't livable. Improvements they'd tried to make to the cabin were falling apart. Nothing was up to code even remotely. At best, I would say the cabin could have been used for a very rustic hunter's cabin kind of thing. I think it was all just too much for my sister-in-law. She was 57. That's not ancient, but it's kind of past the age when you want to rough it in the woods. So I don't know what my sister is going to do with the land. Since they argued about the state of the cabin the day before she died, she has said she just wants to burn it down. I don't think she needs to do that, but she'll probably just sell the whole deal.
Anyway, about the food. There was food everywhere all the time the last few days. And since kind ladies provided the food and would offer you food with a sad, slight smile because that's what they knew to do during times like these, you had to take the food. It was good food, I'll say that much. And it was a distraction, which was also helpful.
But I think I'll fast today or at the most eat very, very light. My intestines are literally sore from all the work they've had to do. The poor things need a break.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
no gym today...and a couple of days
No gym today, so no weigh-in. I need to finish stuff at work since I'll be out for a few days. I had planned to take Thursday and Friday off anyway cuz the husband and I had planned to go out of town. But now I've got a funeral to go to Sunday and family coming in from out of town. We will get to go out of town, but we have to be home early.
I found out a little more about my sister-in-law's suicide. OK, background, my sister and her partner live on 80 acres out in the country in this tiny little cabin. Well, I guess my s-i-l broke through the floor because it was all rotten and moldy. They were in the process of tearing up the floor when they got into a bad argument (about the floor and money, apparently). They couldn't stay at the cabin, and they were mad at each other, so they decided they would stay at separate hotels...and well, the rest I've blogged about.
You know what? I get it. I totally get why my s-i-l did it. The cabin is most likely a goner right now. The entire floor was moldy and wrecked, so there's no way they could get it to liveable again, I'm sure. It's probably been a total wreck for a while now. I can understand how my s-i-l felt completely overwhelmed and hopeless about her environment.
In my head, I'm so furious with my sister. She's always been so unreliable and irresponsible and flakey. She probably knew about how bad the cabin was but didn't care that it was having such an effect on her partner. I love my sister, but she is so fucking selfish. Their state of living probably didn't matter to her; she's lived in a garbage-strewn house before (when she was living on her own--the whole family had to go over and clean it out once--it was horrible). And she probably didn't care that it was making her partner so depressed.
Well, guess what? Actions have consequences, bitches.
I found out a little more about my sister-in-law's suicide. OK, background, my sister and her partner live on 80 acres out in the country in this tiny little cabin. Well, I guess my s-i-l broke through the floor because it was all rotten and moldy. They were in the process of tearing up the floor when they got into a bad argument (about the floor and money, apparently). They couldn't stay at the cabin, and they were mad at each other, so they decided they would stay at separate hotels...and well, the rest I've blogged about.
You know what? I get it. I totally get why my s-i-l did it. The cabin is most likely a goner right now. The entire floor was moldy and wrecked, so there's no way they could get it to liveable again, I'm sure. It's probably been a total wreck for a while now. I can understand how my s-i-l felt completely overwhelmed and hopeless about her environment.
In my head, I'm so furious with my sister. She's always been so unreliable and irresponsible and flakey. She probably knew about how bad the cabin was but didn't care that it was having such an effect on her partner. I love my sister, but she is so fucking selfish. Their state of living probably didn't matter to her; she's lived in a garbage-strewn house before (when she was living on her own--the whole family had to go over and clean it out once--it was horrible). And she probably didn't care that it was making her partner so depressed.
Well, guess what? Actions have consequences, bitches.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Down for the day, in spite of feasting yesterday
I weighed in at 141.8 today. I did get in another workout with the kids last night. 20 minutes on the elliptical and then about 25 minutes on the various weight machines. But then I kind of feasted when we all got home. It was kind of fun, though. We all kind of grazed on tasty stuff we had in the fridge and watched this silly reality show on tv, Scream Queens. Lol, I have to say it's an amusing show.
Today I did 45 minutes on the elliptical. I think I will get to the gym again tonight. Or not. I have to stop by the Ex's house to tell my kids about the death of their aunt. That's going to be hard. It's still all so sad.
I'm not planning on eating much today, though. Maybe make some broccoli soup. Maybe have some tuna and cottage cheese. Just light stuff.
Today I did 45 minutes on the elliptical. I think I will get to the gym again tonight. Or not. I have to stop by the Ex's house to tell my kids about the death of their aunt. That's going to be hard. It's still all so sad.
I'm not planning on eating much today, though. Maybe make some broccoli soup. Maybe have some tuna and cottage cheese. Just light stuff.
such sad news
My sister-in-law committed suicide yesterday. I just found out. I'm in shock. She was my sister's partner, and they had been together for 22 years. Apparently they had been arguing about money and decided to spend the night apart. She overdosed in a hotel room. It's so sad. She was a kind, loving, funny, wonderful woman. My kids adored her. I just feel so confused by it all.
I guess this may be all a bit off-topic for this blog, but I'll offer this for anyone who is reading: My husband and I have a no-fighting policy. Meaning, we don't fight about anything, ever. It started as a joke new year's resolution just before 2009. That January, I recall starting to get upset by something and about to argue with my husband. I stopped and said to myself, "OMG, you can't even make it a month?!?" So whatever it was I was upset about, I just dropped it. And the next time something came up, I dropped it again. Soon, I realized that 99% of the stupid shit we had fought about was just stupid shit I was letting get the better of me. I realized that ultimately my husband and I are on the same team, and arguing with your team mate is always counterproductive. I, probably for the first time in my life, learned how to trust someone completely.
I don't know what really happened between my sister and her partner, but I do know that no argument is worth taking your life.
I guess this may be all a bit off-topic for this blog, but I'll offer this for anyone who is reading: My husband and I have a no-fighting policy. Meaning, we don't fight about anything, ever. It started as a joke new year's resolution just before 2009. That January, I recall starting to get upset by something and about to argue with my husband. I stopped and said to myself, "OMG, you can't even make it a month?!?" So whatever it was I was upset about, I just dropped it. And the next time something came up, I dropped it again. Soon, I realized that 99% of the stupid shit we had fought about was just stupid shit I was letting get the better of me. I realized that ultimately my husband and I are on the same team, and arguing with your team mate is always counterproductive. I, probably for the first time in my life, learned how to trust someone completely.
I don't know what really happened between my sister and her partner, but I do know that no argument is worth taking your life.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Yo-yo
I weighed in at 142.2 today. That's 0.5 up from Thursday. OK, so I did eat a lot at this birthday party we went to Saturday night. And the drinking. Oh yeah, and I did have McDonald's late Friday night. Not so good food-wise this weekend. But I did get in a workout Sunday night. My son was nice enough to hit the gym with me. He's a sweetie.
I did a cardio kickboxing class over lunch. I used to do this class all the time, but it tended to irritate my already bad lower back. However, there is only so much of the elliptical I can take. Gotta switch things up now and then. It was a good workout, for sure...we'll just have to wait and see what this does to my back, though. I plan to get in another workout tonight with the kids.
So Friday night we had this guy we know over, along with his girlfriend and his 16-year-old son. The guy and his son are odd ducks, but we like them. The girlfriend was a piece of work! We had cleaned the house before they got there (though it was in good shape anyway), yet the FIRST thing out of this woman's mouth when she stepped into my door was this little conversation:
Woman: Do you have a cleaning lady?
Me: [laughing at the thought of it] No.
Woman: Well, I clean houses on the side just as an independent, and I just saw that you had dust.
I was stunned! I mean, what kind of person comes into someone's home and points out dust?!?! Good thing she was kind of a trainwreck all-around; I mean, at least we got some good stories to tell out of the evening lol.
I did a cardio kickboxing class over lunch. I used to do this class all the time, but it tended to irritate my already bad lower back. However, there is only so much of the elliptical I can take. Gotta switch things up now and then. It was a good workout, for sure...we'll just have to wait and see what this does to my back, though. I plan to get in another workout tonight with the kids.
So Friday night we had this guy we know over, along with his girlfriend and his 16-year-old son. The guy and his son are odd ducks, but we like them. The girlfriend was a piece of work! We had cleaned the house before they got there (though it was in good shape anyway), yet the FIRST thing out of this woman's mouth when she stepped into my door was this little conversation:
Woman: Do you have a cleaning lady?
Me: [laughing at the thought of it] No.
Woman: Well, I clean houses on the side just as an independent, and I just saw that you had dust.
I was stunned! I mean, what kind of person comes into someone's home and points out dust?!?! Good thing she was kind of a trainwreck all-around; I mean, at least we got some good stories to tell out of the evening lol.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Not good on the food thing yesterday
Well, I'm working a half day again today, so probably no gym. I love these half-day Fridays, but they do cut on the gym time. They are only a summer thing though. Come September they will be history until next summer.
I gotta keep myself honest here. My food intake was ultra horrible shitty yesterday. I was gonna eat only like four potato chips..but that turned into a handful, which turned into another handful, which turned into...OMG it was horrible. I injested so much salt and fat. At one point, I just plain stopped enjoying it. I was just so mad at myself. I was really thirsty too and gulped down enough water to drown a horse. Yikes almighty, my tummy was bloated and hurting by the time I went to bed.
Well, I guess it's a lesson learned. I may crave that salty fatty crispness, but it makes me miserable. I don't need that in my life.
I just may fast today because, believe it or not, I still feel stuffed from yesterday.
I gotta keep myself honest here. My food intake was ultra horrible shitty yesterday. I was gonna eat only like four potato chips..but that turned into a handful, which turned into another handful, which turned into...OMG it was horrible. I injested so much salt and fat. At one point, I just plain stopped enjoying it. I was just so mad at myself. I was really thirsty too and gulped down enough water to drown a horse. Yikes almighty, my tummy was bloated and hurting by the time I went to bed.
Well, I guess it's a lesson learned. I may crave that salty fatty crispness, but it makes me miserable. I don't need that in my life.
I just may fast today because, believe it or not, I still feel stuffed from yesterday.
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