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I can't believe how much I've eaten in the past few days. The past few days have been all about the funeral stuff for my sister-in-law (my sister's partner) who killed herself last Monday. It's so fucking tragic and so fucking sad. During the service, her niece from her side of the family was giving a eulogy and said that she had been the kind of aunt they write about in children's books...loving and crazy and weird. Yeah, that describes her. She was really very warm and accepting and just eccentric enough. My sister is still in shock and a complete wreck. I'm not sure what she's going to do now.

However, I'm still a little mad at my sister too. After the service, my husband and I and another sister and her husband drove out to their farm to assess how bad off the house was and if anything could be saved. My sister and her partner had had this little cabin that they mainly built themselves. The problem was that while I guess it seemed like an attainable dream--your own little cabin in the woods--they really didn't know what they were doing. They'd lived there for about 13 years, I think. I hadn't been out there in years. The cabin just wasn't livable. Improvements they'd tried to make to the cabin were falling apart. Nothing was up to code even remotely. At best, I would say the cabin could have been used for a very rustic hunter's cabin kind of thing. I think it was all just too much for my sister-in-law. She was 57. That's not ancient, but it's kind of past the age when you want to rough it in the woods. So I don't know what my sister is going to do with the land. Since they argued about the state of the cabin the day before she died, she has said she just wants to burn it down. I don't think she needs to do that, but she'll probably just sell the whole deal.

Anyway, about the food. There was food everywhere all the time the last few days. And since kind ladies provided the food and would offer you food with a sad, slight smile because that's what they knew to do during times like these, you had to take the food. It was good food, I'll say that much. And it was a distraction, which was also helpful.

But I think I'll fast today or at the most eat very, very light. My intestines are literally sore from all the work they've had to do. The poor things need a break.